The importance of remembering

Last week was particularly tough with the death of first year law student Kate Fleming. Attending Kate's funeral really opened my eyes to the strength we can have in numbers. Huge amounts of people travelled from near and far to attend in the small church on the hill in the small west Cork village of Timoleague. The community rowed in to make sure everyone found parking, and got to the church.

Kate's dad told a really beautiful story of her life, always positive, always composed, no regrets. I really despise having to go to students funerals, not because I don't care, but because it's not fair that generally I'm there giving the condolences of ULSU and the student population at large to a family that has lost a child, a brother, a sister, a father, a mother in horrific circumstances. Kate's dad understood this. He quoted the first words from a favourite movie of Kate's, The Lion King "Life's not fair". Even sitting here writing this I'm welling up, it was the one on of two parts of the service where I could not contain my tears. The second was during the prayers of the faithful; Kate's little brother Bill prayed that we could all find inspiration from his sister's life. It really isn't fair for a teenage boy to have to do that, but he did and he did it with a strength and class that many adults would struggle to do so.

Kate's family could give a class in how to cope through the funeral of a loved one. They spoke to everyone who queued to sympathise with them, not just a handshake, but a "who have we now" followed by a memory.

I didn't know Kate, but I left Timoleague last Wednesday evening almost feeling that I did, and that I had missed out. I spent 2 hours on Thursday with two of Kate's housemates, Sarah and Pamela. They had known Kate such a short time, but have fantastic memories that they will always remember her by. Talking about Kate gave them a chance to grieve.

On Sunday Sarah and Pamela lit Kate's candle at the mass for deceased students. So many bereaved families came to remember. The pain will never go away for them, but sharing their memories with others does help.

On Sunday following the mass I spoke with Shane Courtney's mother. Shane's death was equally tragic, he was hit by a car when out on his bike training. The grief was there as she remembered, but the openess and willingness of families, friends and relatives to remember helps them and it is everyone's responsibility to help them to remember, not to tell them to put it to the back of their mind.

When anyone dies, we know they'll never walk through the door again, never have an argument with us again, never crack a joke again, but we will always have our memories of them and it is important that we don't avoid those memories. These memories are what made them our friend or our family, so it is up to us to do them justice.